Not many people are comfortable tooting their own horn (hello I’m one of them). But, still, we want others to validate our awesomeness. And when we don’t get that? Well, it gets ugly. But also, when we do get compliments for achievements, sometimes it can also feel like we don’t deserve it, which is nuts! I know it, you know it… Yet, we can’t stop feeling this way.
I know you can look it up and find tons of information about the impostor syndrome, but I wanted to talk a little about how it affect us as bloggers and writers.
You feel like you don’t deserve the big things, because you’re not putting in enough work
It’s hard to shake off that feeling. It can become quite crippling. Every time you even think about taking a step forward, you’re already considering holding yourself back because you don’t think you’ll succeed. Even though other people have done the exact same thing. You’re pretty sure because it’s you this time, it’s just not going to work. Because you’re not enough. You’re not there yet, so maybe you should play it safe for longer.
1000 compliments but one mean comment and I’m out
Not that I’m counting the compliments. But you better bet that sometimes I do screenshot specially wonderful and heart-warming comments or emails. Because I know I’ll need them. I want to be a published so I know I need thicker skin than this, but boy is it hard. I hate, absolutely hate confrontations and being, disliked? I mean, I know not everyone likes everyone. I don’t like a lot of people – they get on my nerves. But it’s even harder when we’re talking about someone commenting on your writing or your opinions and how you deliver them.
This happened to me on a youtube video where I was sharing some writing tips, for free, mind you. It wasn’t anything particularly rude. It was just quite direct. And I felt… scrutinized. And just like that, bam, I just no longer felt confident in front of a camera for a few days, until I got myself together.
This also applies to so many things we experience in our blogging lives. Like, you know you usually get 10 comments on your posts. Suddenly one post gets no comments, and just ike that, you’re an awful blogger that doesn’t even know what content is good. For you it’s not something that just happens. It becomes a proof of how undeserving and un-awesome you are. In a nutshell, you feel like a friggin’ impostor, for thinking you’re a real blogger, bookstagrammer, or writer.
It’s a journey of self-validation
I’ll probably be on it for the rest of my life. I know I acknowledge my strengths better than I used to, but still, the problem is sometimes you forget all the good things you’ve done, and how awesome you are. You forget about all of that when the doubt comes. You wonder if that even makes up for all these other big blunders and flaws you have.
Acknowledge your awesome
True, easier said than done. But that’s the goal. To get better at recognizing all the wins, so that when we lose, we cry a little, eat some ice cream and then get back into it. One thing that helps me deal with it is step back and say ‘It’s going to be alright. It’s not the end of the world yet. This is all fixable.’
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Have you experienced impostor syndrome? How do you deal with it?
Oh, I can so relate to this. I am a perpetual people pleaser—and it kills me to think that someone thinks “badly” of me (or even, semi-badly). I know I shouldn’t need validation so much, but it’s hard not to want it anyway. And, yes, imposter syndrome is definitely real!
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Ugh, that’s how I feel too. I know I should’t care so much, but I do, and sometimes it does more harm than good 🙁
Oh god Pam this post is way too relatable, this is me, I could have written all of this. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I found myself struggling with this impostor syndrome, it just hits me all the time, everything might feel right and somehow one thing doesn’t go the way I planned and I feel like I’m all messed up and I just don’t deserve it. When a post doesn’t work as well as I imagine it to be, when views drop down, when comparison starts to come up in my mind again. It’s so hard to struggle with it all and… I wish I had some tips, but honestly I don’t hahahaha. Really trying to do better though and I’ll take that step back you recommend and try to recognize I’m okay. Thank you for this post <3 <3
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