Last december, I went to a party.
For most people, that’s no big deal. For some, the odd thing would not to go to one at least once a week. But for me, it was the first party ever, excluding weddings, quinceañeras and children parties. And I was a big awkward mess, thinking about what could go wrong.
Now, nobody was forcing me. It was the birthday of two friends, and they were celebrating with dancing and drinking and you know… a party. And I just thought, why not? 90% of the guests were people I already knew and saw frequently in class. How often do you get lucky enough to go to a party and know almost everyone? I mean, I was removing one of the elements of the awkwardness equation.
How did I deal with the other two variables?
How to dance and appear like a social human being
Get drunk
Unless you’re underage of course.
No, forget it. Don’t get drunk!
But I did.
As a rule, I avoid dancing at all costs. Maybe a little swaying as I walk through the crowd so that they don’t notice my non-dancing antics, but I don’t enjoy dancing at parties so I don’t do it. It’s embarrassing and I just don’t have fun.
But look, I love, adore even, playing Just Dance with my friends. I love being ridiculous and laughing, and trying to dance like a pro.
A huge part of being self-conscious when you dance is about guilt
It’s about feeling left out because you are completely sure you don’t want to dance at that moment, but you can’t help feeling like maybe you should.
Why are you like this? Why can’t you just be a normal human and dance and have fun?
Even if you don’t dance, not even when you’re all alone and half naked at home (ahem); even then don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel odd. You’re not.
Yes, I got a little drunk (unintentionally!), but I had all my mental capabilities straight. That said, I don’t know if it was the alcohol, or I just made a decision. But I decided to not to think too much. I decided to think only about that I had friends there, and were were being silly, and at least they were having a lot of fun.
So I did a silly number too, and then quickly made a daring escape to the closest chair, where I could, you know, continue eating.
Takeaway: If you don’t want to dance, don’t do it. You’re awesome. If you want to give it a try and feel self-conscious, stick with your friends and try to remember it’s just them and you won’t die from this. You’re awesome.
How to talk to people and appear like a ‘normal’ human being
For some reason, at social events my brain stops working and cannot carry on with a conversation for a long time unless this person talks a lot about themselves.
I’ll tell you something. I made a list that time, for that party. Yes, I was that paranoid. I wanted to be prepared. So I made a list of conversation topics. One for strangers, and the other for people I already knew. Aand, also some cues as to how to approach the subject and not just sit next to each other, getting more and more nervous because I don’t know how to start talking.
This is an example of my strangers one.
Strangers
-University -Do you study at the university too?/I’m so stressed with my assignments/Why did you choose that career?
-Movies- Have you seen X movie yet? I haven’t seen it and was thinking of going this weekend./ If no, then ABORT and go eat.
-Work -Gosh, I’m so tired. Do you work? I’m doing an internship right now but it’s so exhausting already. /If no then ask about what they’d like to work in. /If it fizzles out ABORT and go eat.
-Music- According to what’s playing. Do you like X song? Have you heard X one?
If all else fails…
- You leave
- You’re not the one driving so you can’t leave…
Make sure you’ve got a book with you and catch up on your reading. Worried that will make you seem even more weird? Don’t think about it. Seriously, if you tried and couldn’t get into the party mood and enjoy it, then stop. You don’t have to do it. You’re allowed to not to find some things fun.
How do you survive parties or other social events?
You’re braver than I am! I do not survive parties well at all. I can do small gatherings of close friends, but not large parties. The small talk gets to me, the noise of the music and all the conversations get to me. I usually make sure to drive myself so I can leave before too long. Being an introvert with severe general and social anxiety doesn’t make parties easy at all. 🙁
🙁 It’s super hard, and yes, I usually drive myself to these things too. I hate depending on people to leave a place. It’s the worst!