Ah, college.
Yeah, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it doesn’t. But in the end, it’s just another stage in life. My career lasts four and a half years, and this year, I’ll be completing my third year in college. It’s funny because I started college on May 2014, and this blog was born on August 2014. My college and blog journey have been parallel, and I thought it was high time for me to share some of my experiences and what I have learnt. 🙂
What I had to face
I finished high school with a large group of friends. We (still) call ourselves F.R.I.E.N.D.S, always inspired by the best show ever. We knew we would be parting ways, and that it would be REALLY difficult staying in touch. However, some of my friends were going to my same college, only in a different faculty. That was kind of reassuring, but the problem for me remained. I was, am an introvert, and it had taken me years to find the people I wanted to be part of a group with, and now I was thrust into a whole other world, with no one?!
I had to start all over? Did I even want to? Maybe it was time for me to reinvent myself and just start this new stage as a loner, and be done with it. And then it would be super awkward when we had to pair up or form groups for class projects. Damn.
How I dealt with it
Actually, I didn’t lol. I just tried to stop worrying so much about it, and tried to focus on the good things!
- I was going to learn new stuff!
- It was an opportunity to meet new people
- It was an opportunity to be a new me
Of course I realized I wouldn’t be able to do some drastic introvert to diva change, but I aboslutely loved the possibility. It was a blank slate! I was going somewhere no one knew me! I focused on that instead of on me not knowing anyone.
Focus on what I could control
I did take one small measure to help myself. We have something we call ‘pre universitario’. It’s a course of sorts we’re required to approve before being an official college student. The rules and period of this course vary from university to university. At mine, you can either take the course that lasts two months, or take a couple of exams.
So, I chose the course, reasoning that if I took the exams, it would only be harder for me to socialize once classes started because some people would already know each other from the course.
Be myself and not stress out
When the pre universitario started, during the first days, I was reading The Immortal Rules, by Julie Kagawa. I was reading it one day, when I realized someone was reading over my shoulder.
He said, “You’re reading about vampire thugs.”
“Yeah.”
And that’s how a beautiful frienship was born. XD. Nah, just kidding. He was one of the first people I met, but we’ve grown a bit apart since. He remains a fun, friendly guy I still talk to, though. And meeting him was proof that I didn’t have anything to worry about. Things would unfold the way they had to, I just had to be myself.
If you are in college, or already graduated, what was your experience with this? And if you’re still in high school, have you ever had these concerns?
I had a similar issue when I started college – I was a 6 hour drive from home, and the only person out of my large marching band family that was there was really bad about actually speaking to people. The first friend I made at college I made at orientation. She had a spiked pink pixie cut, and at least one ring on each finger, and I told her that I liked her ring about halfway through the day of weird ice-breaking games, and she said she liked that I wanted to be a photographer, and we realized that we actually kind of liked each other. We’ve been graduated for a year and a half, and she just came up to visit me a few weeks ago. Find something nice to say to somebody (and mean it!) and you might just make a great friend!
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That’s great advice! I personally dread first day getting to know each other games because it’s so bloody awkward and embarrassing!
I went back to university last year as a mature student, with an age difference of about 10 years from the majority of my classmates. So I was resigned to three years of loneliness though that wasn’t scaring me, I was too excited about my new journey. I was lucky to be approached by a few classmates who are the quiet type like me and so I’m not that lonely after all.
I don’t think I’ve changed (though I’m perhaps a tiny bit more casual in socialising) and as an introvert I still crave those moments where I can just sit alone in a corner and avoid people. Yet it’s nice to share the experience with others, have their help when needed and give them advice, as an ex-dropout, when they start feeling overwhelmed by the workload (don’t want anyone to repeat my stupid past mistakes eheh).
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Oh, that’s an interesting experience. I’m of the opinion that there’s tribe for everyone. We just have to keep our eyes open.
I have a couple of my own friends who often think about dropping out and pursuing something else, and we talk a lot about it, so I appreciate college advice in this matter a lot!
I am also a big introvert (I once tested 100% introvert on the MBTI scale) and it has been difficult. Like you, I decided to not worry about it. I learned to be polite to people and it was surprising how many writers I’ve already found.
I’ve also been careful not to concentrate all my acquaintances in one group. I know people in psychology, nursing, computer science, business, environmental science, and history. Professors are also great at my school and I’ve probably talked with them as much as my peers.
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LOL. Yes! Diversity is also a great perk of college. You get to meet people from other backgrounds and suddenly the world gets bigger, and you realize it isn’t such a bad thing. And I’m so happy you’ve found more writers! I struggle to find people who even READ as much as I do, but at least they don’t mind and hey, they give likes to my crazy bookstagram pics XD
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This is a really great post- and SO helpful to others who could be going through this too! Confession time: I picked my college based on where the most people I knew were going. This is a mistake, everyone reading this. Don’t do what I did. See, I didn’t want to go far away from home- there were some decent schools within 30-45 minutes of my house that would have been fine choices. BUT my parents insisted that I go at least 2 hours away. So, I went where the most people I knew from my swim team were going. Only… it didn’t go great. I mean, on one hand, I do still see a couple of them from time to time. (This is 12 years later, so that is no small feat hahah.) BUT, they ended up all kind of going separate ways. Three of the girls I was closest two were sisters (twins, and one 10 months older, all graduated with me), their dad died our freshman year, so they were gone more often than not of course. And the guys ended up quitting swimming and joining a frat and becoming HUGE jerks- well, one was a jerk anyway. By the next year, only one girl and I remained. It… wasn’t great. Plus, as it turned out, it was a HUGE commuter school, so most people abandoned the place on the weekends anyway, leaving me to hightail it home too hahha.
I did eventually make some friends- some on the swim team, and even one or two outside the team, but none of them are still friends to this day. I stayed friends with a few for awhile after, but we eventually all drifted apart. My high school friends sound a lot like yours- I just had such a great experience- and so I think college was never going to compare.
Now, if I could just find out how the heck you meet people AFTER college, I’d be all set 😉 I am glad that things ended up working out for you in the end! This is seriously such a fabulous post, thank you for sharing it!
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Hahaha! I can totally relate to trying to see where most of my friends were going. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel overjoyed that eve though they wouldn’t be in my classes anymore, at least I’d get to see them on campus from time to time!
I’m so happy in the end things turned out okay too! College is so different from high school! And well, now that’s a question I’ll be asking myself in a year XD
Pamela Nicole recently posted this awesome thing…My Beautiful NaNoWriMo Book
I relate so much to this! None of my high school friends went to college with me, and so as a shy introvert it was hell. My technique was pretty unhealthy though and basically involved me trying to avoid people as much as possible, so that I made no friends at all in the two years 🙁
I had a part time job alongside it though that helped me build my confidence with people (it was in a shop, so I had no choice but to speak to people), so by the time I got to university I found it a lot easier to socialise and make friends and I was a lot less miserable there!
I totally agree with all your advice. In the end because my confidence grew enough that I could just be myself, it all just felt less stressful, and whilst I’ll never be someone who enjoys meeting lots of new people, it no longer fills me with terror.
Awesome post! And so relatable 🙂
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It sucks you had a bad time at first 🙁 But I’m so glad it improved later! And yes! It’s exactly that! It isn’t that suddenly you have to become super social and actually enjoy it, but you kind of train yourself to do it with ease. Sometimes it turns out better and less awkward than others though XD It depends on the other people and how comfortable they make me feel.
:3